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Home / Life Stories

Back To School

Erren Hart

|

last Updated:

10/28/2020

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Six months into this pandemic and school starts on Monday. It’s a delayed opening as our district is tackling not only split sessions for social distancing but part virtual learning too. It’s a new world.

a laptop and notebook in front of a window

I’ve been dreading it like the plague (please excuse the irony). I guess because I handle all this really well until I have to think about my son and what it all means for him.

Let me backtrack just a bit – I have an illness called Ankylosing Spondylitis (as well as a diagnosis of Fibromyalgia, but isn’t AS enough?). It’s considered an autoimmune disorder which is a disease where the body’s immune system attacks healthy cells. When your body’s defense system isn’t working as it should, you may be less likely to fend off infections like the flu or other viruses.

The long and short of it – I get sick easier, more intensely, and longer than most. So I’m one of those people that’s more likely to have severe complications after contracting COVID-19 than the general population. What’s that mean for me and my family? We’ve been quarantined for the last 6 months.

Here’s the other thing – my 12-year-old son has Aspergers Syndrome (high functioning Autism). He has difficulties with social interactions, but before COVID, the school and I were making great progress with him. He even had a new friend come over the week before lockdown (this was huge for him). Things were looking up. Now, he lives (quite happily) sheltered in place and it breaks my heart.

This is not what I want for him. I want him to go back to school not sitting next to me on a laptop for virtual sessions. I want him out in the world learning to make his way.

This is where I lose it. This is where I breakdown and cry. I can handle being stuck at home living my own version of groundhog day. After all, I’m here with my husband and son – my two favorite people. But I want a normal life for my boy and I hate this. Sure, as I write this I hear him online laughing with his friends back in England. He has constant contact with them so his social skills remain intact, but a virtual life is no normal life for a kid and there’s no end in sight.

Don’t get me wrong when I moved back home to NJ, I never expected to be separated from my friends and family by this virus. I never expected to opt-out of family gatherings or dinners out. I want to see my people. I want to cook for them and have dinner parties. I want to hug them, but I don’t know what would happen if I got sick and I need to be here for my son. That is the bottom line here. I need to be here to help him have a normal life someday. A normal life with friends, in a relationship, and maybe even a family of his own. So for now, I opt out of my life so I can be here to help him build his (whenever that may be).

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10 responses

  1. Michelle Avatar
    Michelle
    10/06/2020

    Definitely hear you on grieving and missing out on living life with family! Lots of things I had planned to start with my daughter (ballet class, swimming class) that just won’t happen this year (or not how I had envisioned). It feels like she’s missing out and she is. But I try to remind myself that not having a normal life right now, doesn’t mean she is doomed to a bad life. Sometimes the hard experiences we have in life make us stronger or more thankful later on and having suffered from chronic health issues myself I don’t say this lightly. I had a baby this year too and nobody really even knew I was pregnant because I didn’t see anyone by the time I was showing. It’s all kind of sad and yet I feel guilty complaining because we’re so lucky to work from home. Hope you can continue to find strength and joy each day with your son and thanks for being honest and brave in sharing!

    Reply
    1. Erren Hart Avatar
      Erren Hart
      10/07/2020

      Hi Michelle, I too consider it a blessing that we run our business out of our house. We are very lucky! Congratulations on your new addition! I lived thousands of miles away from my friends and family when my son was born so I can relate! The upside to that was that it was all about our little family and I was able to build a bond with my son that’s still unbreakable. I enjoyed each stage more than the last and I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat! Enjoy this time with your kids. We’ll never have this opportunity again. Wishing you all the best!

      Reply
  2. Ang Avatar
    Ang
    09/12/2020

    That’s made me so emotional. X

    Reply
    1. Erren Hart Avatar
      Erren Hart
      09/12/2020

      Oh Ang, not my intention! Love you, my friend! 😘

      Reply
  3. Lynell Avatar
    Lynell
    09/12/2020

    I hope we get back to normal soon. It must be really hard for you.
    Thinking of you and your family. Virtual hug from Canada 🇨🇦

    Reply
    1. Erren Hart Avatar
      Erren Hart
      09/12/2020

      I hope so too, Lynell! Sending you a hug right back to Canada! 🥰

      Reply
  4. Simon Avatar
    Simon
    09/12/2020

    This was very brave and honest! Thank you for sharing your story! Hoping we all get our lives back soon!

    Reply
    1. Erren Hart Avatar
      Erren Hart
      09/12/2020

      Thank you, Simon! My fingers are crossed!

      Reply
  5. Debbie Avatar
    Debbie
    09/12/2020

    Hi Erren, I think all any of us can do right now is what’s right for us and our family. It sounds to me like you’re doing great! Hang in there! Wishing you all the best!

    Reply
    1. Erren Hart Avatar
      Erren Hart
      09/12/2020

      Thanks so much, Debbie! I agree 100%! Thank you for the kind words 🙂

      Reply
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